Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
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