I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I accidentally had phone sex last night
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
