Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
