there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Damn victory sex feels great
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize