I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
