Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
