I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
