and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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