A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
