how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
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