OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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