As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
