I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
