in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize