is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
