Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
