Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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