I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
