I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
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