But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Randomize
