Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
my being single is dangerous.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
You took a bar mat shot.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
