Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize