She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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