First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize