I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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