Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
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