I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
