yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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