There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
You're completely useless in the revolution.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
