Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
