ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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