Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize