What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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