Define "chronic" masturbator.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
