You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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