how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Randomize
