it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
