i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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