also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I supernannyed him into submission
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
