I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
