just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize