i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
