Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
