I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
