i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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