i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
