You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I didn't shave. On purpose
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
