Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
