Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
