No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
