Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
