Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
We need to get me chipped asap
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
