when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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