you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
