looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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