You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
pray to the hookup gods
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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