i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
