i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
