Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
