I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
