new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
