when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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