I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
