It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
