You can't special order awesome
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
