dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Randomize