I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
