I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
