Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
No...this little piggys going to the bar
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
