it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
