I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
