i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
