Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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