They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
