Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
