How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
