dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
