So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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