Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Randomize