dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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