If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
