bring money and cleavage
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
