Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
