im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
