I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
