In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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