you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
