I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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