I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Randomize
