Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
whose ass print is on the piano?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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