Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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