new low.... made out with someone while peeing
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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