My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
