Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize