I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
