I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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