whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
