you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
