I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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