just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
