Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
