I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Dear god my vagina.
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