i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Can you bring me the toilet please
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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