Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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