who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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