She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
