did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
