so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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