i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
