i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Randomize
